Previously Viewed Rentals

I remember watching the leaves fall:
fluttering down 'til they touched the pond
and drifted, as skittering bugs dimpled along.
And the way the water
met the falling leaves
and took shape.

I remember watching the leaves sinking
deeper and deeper.

And running after butterflies
as I wiped my wet hands dry.

Sorry it's been so long.



Its the top two links.

I spent the weekend at Kibbie Lake - Outside of Yosemite. Ended up taking over 300 shots.

Here's a preview:

I ran across a speech that Douglas Adams gave in 1998. I found it quite interesting and, though I am unsure of how much I agree with the ideas, I thought I'd post it here. It is a bit long, but it gets a good point across and is well worth reading.

Read it here.

I'd call them cheap
connoisseurs of sex
with their sleazy strategy:
tackle, grapple and flee;
quick to come and quick to leave,
with no part of the other.

But what do I know?-
They seem happy enough
when congrats are in order:
a grinning slap on the back,
then recalling the menu,
rating the chef.
They liked this or that,
just right or not too bad.

But it seems so thin,
and I wonder-
is regret behind the grin?

Or, perhaps they believe
my sad stare speaks jealousy;
an admission
that I, too, share their condition.

Im tired. Exhausted, really.
Im tired of being led on, misled, by those I thought I knew; Those I trusted.
Im tired. Because, the thing is, it isn't one person, the list goes on...
Perhaps its simply a difference of perception?
But Im tired of deception.
Im tired of being genuine, hoping to find some part of that returned.
I know I'm not perfect; my words and actions don't always align.
But I'm tired of words opposing actions like a plus and minus sign.
I'm tired of trying and giving and hoping, and finding:
I'm still tired. Exhausted, really.

SO I know I only post once in a million years... but I thought I should let everyone know why I am never online or around. I got an internship at Ghirardelli Chocolate. Its full time... and I still work at Mimi's on weekends. So I work 7 days a week... and its crazy but fun. Yes, that means I get free chocolate. In fact, I got to eat the chocolate right off the line, BEFORE they put the emulsifiers in it (it is SOOO good before that stage).

Anyway, I hope you are all well. Have a great summer!

What's wrong with these pictures... Im sure someone will figure it out (its the same IPOD).

Lively sound
breathes exciting and new;
Tastes of distant love:
cold and gray and
clean against the skin
whispers
She'll be here soon.

Faintly flash a smile
that only you can see.
Somewhere she is loving
thinking of me.






The change from second to first person can make for an interesting interpretation.

Let the accuser be accused,
self denial of love
coexistence of hate
belong to all.
There is no heathen
-no lesser mind of greater evil-
only victims of our own
Justification

I am not opposed to all wars. I'm opposed to dumb wars.

So for those of us who seek a more just and secure world for our children, let us send a clear message to the president today.

You want a fight, President Bush? Let's finish the fight with Bin Laden and Al Qaida, thru effective, coordinated intelligence, and a shutting down of the financial networks that support terrorism, and a homeland security program that involves more than color-coded warnings.

You want a fight, President Bush? Let's fight to make sure that the UN inspectors can do their work, and that we vigorously enforce a non-proliferation treaty, and that former enemies and current allies like Russia safeguard and ultimately eliminate their stores of nuclear material, and that nations like Pakistan and India never use the terrible weapons in already in their possession, and that the arms merchants in our own country stop feeding the countless wars that rage across the globe.

You want a fight, President Bush? Let's fight to make sure our so-called allies in the Middle East, the Saudis and the Egyptians, stop oppressing their own people, and suppressing dissent, and tolerating corruption and inequality, and mismanaging their economies so that their youth grow up without education, without prospects, without hope, the ready recruits of terrorist cells.

You want a fight, President Bush? Let's fight to wean ourselves off Middle East oil, through an energy policy that doesn't simply serve the interests of Exxon and Mobil.

Those are the battles that we need to fight. Those are the battles that we willingly join. The battles against ignorance and intolerance. Corruption and greed. Poverty and despair.

The consequences of war are dire, the sacrifices immeasurable. We may have occasion in our lifetime to once again rise up in defense of our freedom, and pay the wages of war. But we ought not - we will not - travel down that hellish path blindly. Nor should we allow those who would march off and pay the ultimate sacrifice, who would prove the full measure of devotion with their blood, to make such an awful sacrifice in vain."
-Barack Obama

Barack Obama is running from Illinois, for a seat in the senate. If he is as advertised, this is a name to remember.

Andie is here. For the rest of summer. How cool is that?
First thing she did?... put up feminine-ish curtains.
Its funny cause my roommate had up very manly posters and belt buckles and antlers... now we have feminine curtains and bare walls. Its a welcome change. (and andie's here)

Hey, did I mention that andie is here?

Now for groceries and cookie-making.

So things I realized today... sometimes I come off as being way too "uppity," if thats a word. I dont mean to sound this way. What happens: Im in class... and I am practically the only person responding to the professor. I am answering his questions... discussing things... actively thinking during class. Now, I know that everyone else might have the same things running through their heads, but a little bit of pride gets to me, when I realize that I am the only one answering questions... maybe that makes me come off differently than I intend.

The other factor affecting this issue: I get really excited when I am learning- I love learning. When I am thinking about new things (new to me, at least) I get adrenaline rushes. Because of this, I become extremely self conscious; I am this huge dork during class. It doesnt really matter what class Im in... I get this way in political science, physics and manufacturing engineering analysis. So maybe that self consciousness makes me defensive, and I sound condescending to the rest of the class. Example: during a discussion, when other students ask a question frequently the professor doesnt understand what their question is; I jump in to answer their question, acting as a teacher myself... explaining, and then making sure they understand (usually by asking them to explain their understanding). Really I just love learning (and the power of thought) and hate that noone else does (or at least admits it).

I just thought I'd rant a little. Maybe you have all seen people like myself in your classes... maybe you are like myself. If you see someone... go easy... if you are like me, you're not alone.

This is mostly for nicole, becky and andie...

I handed the realtor the applications this morning... he is going to call the owners today, run the credit checks and we should know by the end of the week. *yay*

He asked when we could move in... I said June was ideal but we could move in as early as may 15th. He said that that would "be taken into consideration" (definitely a good thing). I will let you know about the house as soon as I know.

Today hurt. Classes were ok. Weather was nice.
But it hurt. Loneliness hurts.
Reminded me of a poem I wrote about a year ago...

Sound seeps through silence.
We seek until we find
and, finding silence, weep
and declare ourselves weak.
We cannot bear the silence.
The isolation presses upon us
even the mute will weep.
The sound seeps through silence,
and we are found.

I want Andie. I want that night in the hospital, conversing with my mom.
I want that night in the hospital awaiting our child.
I want... not now.
Not tonight with empty arms, tomorrow with empty dreams.
I cant feel without you. Without you I cant be-
not who I want to be- need to be.
goodnight.

So I had my accident two and half weeks ago... and was without a car for a week... then I got my dad's old saturn... (that was the sunday two weeks ago...) and... its just my luck with cars... cause yesterday I was driving to a restaurant to apply... and my engine blows up. well.. not really blows up... but breaks down... so badly that I need a new engine. I had had the car for about a week and a half. :( Now I am looking at getting a new engine put into it (about $1300... that I DONT have). These are good times I am living in.

I am tired of things.

Tired of the people Im living with.
Tired of their lack of understanding toward each other.
Tired of them thinking they are 100% right.
Tired of drama.
Tired of living here.
Tired of missing Andie.
Tired of having things to do that I cant get done.
Tired of simple misunderstandings turning to hate.
Tired of things.

Is it so difficult for people to see beyond their own perspective?
I know I am not perfect.
I see my faults and I accept responsibility for them.
If only people could see. Understand. Forgive.